Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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