forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Are we still banned from the library?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
