I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
