i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
