Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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