Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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