I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
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