I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
