Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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