i barfeds in our rink
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
