wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
