it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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