nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
