plz talk dirty to me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
North Korea, Best Korea!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
