There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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