do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
