My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
