That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
