So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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