I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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