Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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