Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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