Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
