and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
