Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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