also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
