ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
