So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
