Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
