i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
