I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
