Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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