Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
