it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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