69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
