well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
