Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
