Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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