I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There's even glitter on my cock...
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