There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
