So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
