): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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