Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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