I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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