pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
A bitchslap is in order.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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