I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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