I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
