32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
