My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
