if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
