Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
