i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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