she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
