One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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